Today I felt an odd desire... to blog. I was meditating... something I do a lot now because I learned that it's really good for you... and I thought of a question... which led to more... as questions often do...here are my questions and my thoughts about 'em...
What would change if whenever we talked about people we only ever said good things? What would change if when we had a problem with people, we went and talked to them- and only them- and told them our issues and then when we left that conversation, regardless of what transpired in it, what if we then went back to the world and still only spoke well of that person? What would change if we knew that people were only ever saying good things about us? What if our first inclination when we saw people wasn't to judge them as bad, but to judge them as good?
See, this is what I've decided, I have a serious problem with gossiping and complaining. I discovered this because for the last two weeks I've been doing an assignment where I'm not supposed to say anything sarcastic or rude or complaining or gossiping. And i haven't done well at all on the assignment. And as I was doing this assignment I realized something else. I have some friends that are really good at always saying nice things. always. They find reasons to be happy when it's pouring rain and you have to change your clothes every time you go outside, and you don't have a car so you're walking to the grocery store, and when you get there you don't have enough money and they still make the trip the funnest thing in the world. And the only thing that's different is they focus on the good. Also with these friends, I don't talk about other people negatively because I know that these friends would be uncomfortable doing that. It's not something they do and so when I'm with them, we find other things to talk about or talk about good qualities or things that impress us. Then I have friends that complain so naturally that I join in and don't even realize how negative I'm being- usually about something that doesn't even bug me that much- just because I'm in the company of people that feel like complaining. How often do these people say that they are so tired, or hungry, or not excited to take a test. And being with them, i get tired and hungry and test anxiety. Not that I'm blaming my friends completely, but I realized that it's not really that I'm upset or happy, it's really just how I choose to be.
There was one day that I did really good on this assignment and I discovered something. The spirit invites positive conversation. and something else. Positive conversation invites the spirit. That day was incredible and I thought how much I wanted to always live like that. Having the spirit influencing your thoughts and therefore your words, therefore your outlook on the world, therefore your influence on the world. It can really change everything. So, I was so excited to change my life.
And then I realized that I am so affected by the people and conversation around me. Influenced enough to be complaining about the weather with one person and celebrating it 5 minutes later with a different person. I also realized that the way we talk to people is a huge part of our friendship. Find someone that you always gossip with. Then have a conversation with them and try not to gossip. It's awful. I couldn't believe the kind of habit it was, but I realized that it was difficult to talk about something different with some people because we spend so much time saying bad things that it's just a habit. It's just part of our relationship. Ew. Gross. That can't be a healthy relationship. I don't leave the conversation happy. I leave feeling validated. Someone feels the way I do. But, I'm not happy. I'm indifferent, or begrudged even... hard hearted.
Just my language does this. Isn't that crazy? We don't have to be saying anything bad about gospel principles, but talking negatively really hardens us and makes us hate the world. And who the heck wants to live in a world that they hate. One of the craziest things is, I don't even hate the world. I really don't. But sometimes I pretend I do because I'm with people that pretend they do. I honestly think that out of 20 people that are complaining to each other about the same thing, maybe one is actually upset enough that it's driving them crazy and they can't be happy. and when we're complain about the weather, i bet it's like 1 in 1000 that find heavy wind (this is Rexburg, we complain about the wind) so unbearable that they can't see that the world is still an okay place to be. I consider myself a happy person with generally happy friends. So how crazy is it that most of us happy people spend more time talking about things that upset us than things that make us happy. Why do we waste energy doing that? No wonder we're always talking about how tired we are!
So, back to my questions. WHAT IF... we all stopped. What if from this second onward we only said positive things about... well first people... and then the world. What would change? Well, I think we'd all have more fun talking to people and we might very well bounce around like second graders because the world seems so right. (seriously, second graders= awesome) We'd be more eager to talk to everyone. Friends. Family. Strangers. Because we would know that we would leave the conversation even happier than we came to it. Then I also thought, well what if we secretly hate someone but are only saying happy things. Would that destroy us? Well, I think there are extremes but, my first thought was no. It would refine us. It would help us learn to love people despite the issues we have with them. Then I thought, it would be okay to talk to that one person that's bugging us and tell them that they are bugging us. But if we did it in this same positive spirit, it would almost be a sacred experience. Because if they looked at it as an opportunity to become better and you looked at it as an opportunity to reach understanding and find closure. If we were so used to be positive i think our criticism would be positive too. Or at least... it could be.
I think about the effect this would have on my family. If I always spoke well of my mom and dad I would not only honor them but, it would set everyone who was going to meet them up to meet a great person. And if my mom and dad knew that I spoke highly of them all the time, they would know that all my friends that know anything about them are expecting them to be awesome. And then they'd be inclined to be awesome. And if we only ever said good things, then even if my friends didn't think my parents are as awesome as I do, they would only tell me positive things about them. And when you say positive things out loud, you believe them a lot easier. This kind of starts to seem that we'd all be living in fantasy, kidding ourselves that the world is right. Kidding ourselves that everyone is great. But, don't I believe that everyone really does have greatness? So, what is really the dream, the way I'm living now, always speaking in the negative, or the way I could live, in the positive. I think that if I weighed the pros and cons of life- even now- I would still come up with more positive than negative things about it.
Imagine the difference in Junior High. Don't kids feel so much insecurity because they think that everyone around them is watching them and judging them? Well, what if we lived in a world where these kids spent 13yrs with positive conversation coming from them and to them from all angles. Would they hit puberty and suddenly believe the world completely turned upside down? Maybe partly but, I don't think it would be this dramatic.
Think about this idea from Elder Holland's talk "The Tongue of Angels": we pray to God and gossip about his children with the same instrument- our tongues. We complain and speak in gratitude with the same thing. We bear testimony and speak unkindly with our tongue. Doesn't that make it seem... defiled? How can we talk of mercy and forgiveness and then turn around and whisper that we hate so-and-so. Seriously?
So... my conclusions... what would change if we all spoke nicely... only things that need to be changed. So, I decided that I have to start making this a life change. It's not a two week project anymore. Its a Jana's life project. I want people to feel uplifted when they talk to me. I don't want to talk badly about people or things or the weather.
Why do we waste so much time complaining about things we can't change? Why don't we just celebrate the things that we like about those things we can't change? I mean, no matter how much I complain of wind, it won't stop. So why not talk about the good things about that. It changes how i feel. If I say I'll feel better when the wind stops- fine. I may never feel better. If I say I feel better because there are good things about the wind then I already feel better and it's on my terms. We should take responsibility for our own happiness.
So, this is my goal. And I know that this is going to be hard because of some of the relationships that I have that focus on life in the negative. I'll refer them to this blog. I apologize to everyone who I indulge in negative conversation with. What an awful waste of time. I've gained a testimony of language. Which isn't something i thought I needed a testimony of. But it changes things. And now that I know this... i have a responsibility to speak positive. To live in the positive. I want to live this way. It's a better way. a happier way.
I'm not changing the world, just what I say about it.
What would change if whenever we talked about people we only ever said good things? What would change if when we had a problem with people, we went and talked to them- and only them- and told them our issues and then when we left that conversation, regardless of what transpired in it, what if we then went back to the world and still only spoke well of that person? What would change if we knew that people were only ever saying good things about us? What if our first inclination when we saw people wasn't to judge them as bad, but to judge them as good?
See, this is what I've decided, I have a serious problem with gossiping and complaining. I discovered this because for the last two weeks I've been doing an assignment where I'm not supposed to say anything sarcastic or rude or complaining or gossiping. And i haven't done well at all on the assignment. And as I was doing this assignment I realized something else. I have some friends that are really good at always saying nice things. always. They find reasons to be happy when it's pouring rain and you have to change your clothes every time you go outside, and you don't have a car so you're walking to the grocery store, and when you get there you don't have enough money and they still make the trip the funnest thing in the world. And the only thing that's different is they focus on the good. Also with these friends, I don't talk about other people negatively because I know that these friends would be uncomfortable doing that. It's not something they do and so when I'm with them, we find other things to talk about or talk about good qualities or things that impress us. Then I have friends that complain so naturally that I join in and don't even realize how negative I'm being- usually about something that doesn't even bug me that much- just because I'm in the company of people that feel like complaining. How often do these people say that they are so tired, or hungry, or not excited to take a test. And being with them, i get tired and hungry and test anxiety. Not that I'm blaming my friends completely, but I realized that it's not really that I'm upset or happy, it's really just how I choose to be.
There was one day that I did really good on this assignment and I discovered something. The spirit invites positive conversation. and something else. Positive conversation invites the spirit. That day was incredible and I thought how much I wanted to always live like that. Having the spirit influencing your thoughts and therefore your words, therefore your outlook on the world, therefore your influence on the world. It can really change everything. So, I was so excited to change my life.
And then I realized that I am so affected by the people and conversation around me. Influenced enough to be complaining about the weather with one person and celebrating it 5 minutes later with a different person. I also realized that the way we talk to people is a huge part of our friendship. Find someone that you always gossip with. Then have a conversation with them and try not to gossip. It's awful. I couldn't believe the kind of habit it was, but I realized that it was difficult to talk about something different with some people because we spend so much time saying bad things that it's just a habit. It's just part of our relationship. Ew. Gross. That can't be a healthy relationship. I don't leave the conversation happy. I leave feeling validated. Someone feels the way I do. But, I'm not happy. I'm indifferent, or begrudged even... hard hearted.
Just my language does this. Isn't that crazy? We don't have to be saying anything bad about gospel principles, but talking negatively really hardens us and makes us hate the world. And who the heck wants to live in a world that they hate. One of the craziest things is, I don't even hate the world. I really don't. But sometimes I pretend I do because I'm with people that pretend they do. I honestly think that out of 20 people that are complaining to each other about the same thing, maybe one is actually upset enough that it's driving them crazy and they can't be happy. and when we're complain about the weather, i bet it's like 1 in 1000 that find heavy wind (this is Rexburg, we complain about the wind) so unbearable that they can't see that the world is still an okay place to be. I consider myself a happy person with generally happy friends. So how crazy is it that most of us happy people spend more time talking about things that upset us than things that make us happy. Why do we waste energy doing that? No wonder we're always talking about how tired we are!
So, back to my questions. WHAT IF... we all stopped. What if from this second onward we only said positive things about... well first people... and then the world. What would change? Well, I think we'd all have more fun talking to people and we might very well bounce around like second graders because the world seems so right. (seriously, second graders= awesome) We'd be more eager to talk to everyone. Friends. Family. Strangers. Because we would know that we would leave the conversation even happier than we came to it. Then I also thought, well what if we secretly hate someone but are only saying happy things. Would that destroy us? Well, I think there are extremes but, my first thought was no. It would refine us. It would help us learn to love people despite the issues we have with them. Then I thought, it would be okay to talk to that one person that's bugging us and tell them that they are bugging us. But if we did it in this same positive spirit, it would almost be a sacred experience. Because if they looked at it as an opportunity to become better and you looked at it as an opportunity to reach understanding and find closure. If we were so used to be positive i think our criticism would be positive too. Or at least... it could be.
I think about the effect this would have on my family. If I always spoke well of my mom and dad I would not only honor them but, it would set everyone who was going to meet them up to meet a great person. And if my mom and dad knew that I spoke highly of them all the time, they would know that all my friends that know anything about them are expecting them to be awesome. And then they'd be inclined to be awesome. And if we only ever said good things, then even if my friends didn't think my parents are as awesome as I do, they would only tell me positive things about them. And when you say positive things out loud, you believe them a lot easier. This kind of starts to seem that we'd all be living in fantasy, kidding ourselves that the world is right. Kidding ourselves that everyone is great. But, don't I believe that everyone really does have greatness? So, what is really the dream, the way I'm living now, always speaking in the negative, or the way I could live, in the positive. I think that if I weighed the pros and cons of life- even now- I would still come up with more positive than negative things about it.
Imagine the difference in Junior High. Don't kids feel so much insecurity because they think that everyone around them is watching them and judging them? Well, what if we lived in a world where these kids spent 13yrs with positive conversation coming from them and to them from all angles. Would they hit puberty and suddenly believe the world completely turned upside down? Maybe partly but, I don't think it would be this dramatic.
Think about this idea from Elder Holland's talk "The Tongue of Angels": we pray to God and gossip about his children with the same instrument- our tongues. We complain and speak in gratitude with the same thing. We bear testimony and speak unkindly with our tongue. Doesn't that make it seem... defiled? How can we talk of mercy and forgiveness and then turn around and whisper that we hate so-and-so. Seriously?
So... my conclusions... what would change if we all spoke nicely... only things that need to be changed. So, I decided that I have to start making this a life change. It's not a two week project anymore. Its a Jana's life project. I want people to feel uplifted when they talk to me. I don't want to talk badly about people or things or the weather.
Why do we waste so much time complaining about things we can't change? Why don't we just celebrate the things that we like about those things we can't change? I mean, no matter how much I complain of wind, it won't stop. So why not talk about the good things about that. It changes how i feel. If I say I'll feel better when the wind stops- fine. I may never feel better. If I say I feel better because there are good things about the wind then I already feel better and it's on my terms. We should take responsibility for our own happiness.
So, this is my goal. And I know that this is going to be hard because of some of the relationships that I have that focus on life in the negative. I'll refer them to this blog. I apologize to everyone who I indulge in negative conversation with. What an awful waste of time. I've gained a testimony of language. Which isn't something i thought I needed a testimony of. But it changes things. And now that I know this... i have a responsibility to speak positive. To live in the positive. I want to live this way. It's a better way. a happier way.
I'm not changing the world, just what I say about it.
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